BAG LADY
....pack light
"colourism is the daughter of racism in a world that rewards lighter skin over darker skin"
~lupita nyong'o
i'm not sure when i started to battle depression but i'm well aware of my triggers. my top are: when i hear a no from a casting or a recording session has been canceled or this dayum algorithm decreasing my views and ie; branding goals, or my fav, being plain ghosted when i went out on a limb to creatively connect. i find i have to be extra tender with myself but as of late it has just been so exhausting to do and harder to get back up. mental health is so taboo to speak on, espesh as a black woman b/c most times we're not offered help or thought to need it.
my lowest self esteem issue is rooted in colourism. it makes me feel the smallest. i'm always hesitant to be transparent about this because people will try to use your weakness against you. depending on how long you've known me, you're aware i've been victim to online bullying and death threats because of my skin color. colourism introduced itself early to me as a child and since then, i've had a sixth sense when it's creeping in or trying to influence my esteem. and if i'm honest, when something goes wrong i always think its the reason.
i was listening to sarah jakes roberts "radical expectations" and realized recently i was allowing this child hood trauma and episodes of bullying, to affect my momentum and idea of self. i was talking to god about where i thought i should be and it clicked, i'm going to have to move past this to fully take hold of my wins.
it's best to know your enemy so you know how to handle them. i'm not saying there won't be anymore battles but i just really want my life and transformation of identity. i'm tired of carrying this.
i read recently that we all need bad bitch check ups cause sometimes you need to be reminded that you're.that. bitch.
consider this mine!